Hubs ordered a personalized face mask for me–it has my name and a heart on the left side and the right side has a print of the word LOVE with the O replaced by a school bus. 
It’s so stinking cute. He also got me a red velvet personal sized bundt cake and a larger one for everyone to share from a local place called Nothing Bundt Cake. I LOVE cakes from Nothing Bundt Cake..they are SO delicious. I decided to save the personal size one for later, since we’re going out to dinner soon.
It’s been…a day. Hubs and I had a serious talk last night about some stuff that I can’t get into (it’s too personal) and it left me feeling sad and like I had seriously fucked up. I’ve made mistakes in the past that I can’t go back and undo, which I would absolutely fix if I could. But I can’t and so I have to live with the results of those mistakes.
We are still dedicated to being a team and not giving up on each other, but this one thing..it’s hard to live with right now. I don’t even know how to talk AROUND it without actually talking ABOUT it. It’s hard to feel the feelings I’m feeling without letting them send me into a depressive spiral filled with tears, far too much chocolate, Diet Dr. Pepper and Goldfish crackers, accusations that are mean and unfair and unwarranted and just general shittiness. I’m going to get through this, because it’s not the first time this issue has come up between us. I love him, but some things are just HARD, yanno?
I want things to change…but also stay exactly the same, which can’t happen. Either things change or they stay the same. You can’t have both, or so I have been led to believe.
It’s a rough patch. We’ve been through them before and gotten through. We will again. I know we will. Marriage, especially when you’ve been together as long as we have, is not all sunshine and magic rainbow unicorn farts. There are dark sludgy places you have to get through sometimes in order to make it back to the sunshine and magic rainbow unicorn farts part. And we will get there, even if it takes trudging through mud up to our armpits. Eventually.