I’ve had to stop watching the news and reading Facebook and other places I normally go to find out stuff. Because right now I kind of want to hit rich people in the face more than I usually do.
A person whose blog I follow and have for several years now–her sister is sick. Probably with what I am now referring to as the Mexican Beer virus. She can’t get tested, they’re telling her that even if you call 911, they MAY not send out help because they’re like, “Fuck this shit. We’d rather people just die and call it death by pneumonia.”
And yet people like the Kardashians (I forget which one right now, the mom, I think. Kris?) can get tested even if they aren’t showing any symptoms. It’s making me irrationally (or maybe rationally? I don’t know anymore) angry. Like, Orange-asaurus Wrex keeps saying we’ll have more tests, faster turn around time on getting results, etc, blah blah blah. But it doesn’t seem to be happening. Or rather, it doesn’t seem to be happening if you’re not one of the 1%.
The thing that makes me really angry is that this is what happens ALL THE TIME. Maybe in ways that aren’t so obvious, but as somebody who’s been poor or poor-adjacent (like we currently are. Technically we’re ‘middle class’ but JUST barely) their entire life, I’ve seen it happen all my life. And I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s happening again, really. My husband (bless his Republican heart) thinks this will all blow over in a month or so, but I seriously doubt it. I think it’ll take a LOT longer than a month or two. I think we’ll be dealing with this for a LOT longer than anybody thinks. We have two cruises scheduled for this summer–one in June and one in July. But I am NOT holding out hope that we’ll actually get to GO. I’m predicting (but mostly only in my head) that the cruise industry along with a lot of pretty much anywhere people are allowed to gather in public in large groups (movie theaters, retail stores, restaurants, etc) will be shut down for the better part of what’s left of this year. A lot of places will go out of business because they JUST cannot afford to be shut down that long. I’m worried that my favorite taco place (which is part of a chain, but owned by an individual franchisee) will shut down. I’m worried that my husband (who works in retail) will end up catching it from somebody and bring it home to us. As of Tuesday, his company shuttered the doors of ALL stores to customers, but staff are still allowed to come and go. We slept with the windows open (because it was nice) Tuesday night and he said his allergies started acting up. I’m afraid that people will think because he’s sneezing and coughing they’ll think he has The Mexican Beer virus. I haven’t yet heard from our school district (but then again, I haven’t checked my work email yet today either) but we’re shuttered through April 3 and probably going to distance learning for the rest of the year. In addition to that (because I don’t know if I’ll get paid through all of this), the usual gatherings that happen in my family are cancelled. So no going out with the in-laws to dinner or a movie for my son’s birthday in a little over a week and a half. No Easter dinner with my sister in law and her family and DEFINITELY no party to celebrate Professor Nephew’s 16th birthday and his sister (since they share the same birth date) Princess Sassypant’s 11th birthday.
But we have toilet paper. A retail store where my husband had JUST gotten his job back for weekend shifts (because he felt there was a need. I didn’t, but he did) but hadn’t actually gone back to work at yet got a shipment of toilet paper and paper towels in yesterday. They held 1 package of toilet paper and 2 packages of paper towels for every employee and his old (well, now not old but current I guess) boss texted him and told him to come get it. So now we have toilet paper, for at least a couple of weeks anyway.
I woke up in a LOT of pain this morning. I haven’t been doing my stretches and stuff that the PT taught me because I’m lazy and I’ve been super depressed though I’ve been trying to hide it from J and Hubs. Life as I knew it, life as EVERYONE knew it really, is never going to be the same.
And that scares the crap out of me. I am scared, literally ever single day of my life, because of my anxiety. I’ve managed to learn how to cope with it for the most part because I’ve had this problem for the last 31 years (I’m 41, for the record). But this? This adds a whole new level of freak-out-ness that I’m not coping with well. But I’ve got no choice but to try and keep my crap together because if I fall apart, it’s just not going to end well.