I’m assuming that since each of these entries gets posted to my Twitter account which I never check, that if there’s a hashtag in the title, The Bloggess might actually see this. I mean, it’s a one in a million chance but hey…that’s still a chance, right?
Yesterday started off crappy for me. I overslept by like 10 minutes and I was just not in the greatest mood when I got to work. I was able to fake it well enough though to make it through my elementary school route (Jenny, in case you do read this, here’s a quick TLDR: I had a job, quit that job in the middle of the pandemic and got a different job as a bus monitor/aide for special needs kiddos). After we drop the kiddos off at their school, we have a 20 min or so break before we have to pick up our first middle schooler.
I pulled my Kindle out of my fanny pack (yes I still have one of those. Apparently they’re cool again or something. Everything eventually comes back around, although I don’t exactly see hoop skirts making a dramatic return although I kind of wish they would.) and tried to read Children of Virtue and Vengeance since I had recently finished Children of Blood and Bone and loved it. But I just…I couldn’t. I wanted to sink into the wonderful story that Toni Adeyemi (I think that’s how you spell it) wrote. But I just…couldn’t. So of course I turned to my emotional support book (which I have in both hardback and electronic forms), Furiously Happy which always brings me comfort and support. One of my favorite stories in the book is the one about the drive-thru pharmacist and his dog biscuits. I was trying really hard not to laugh my ass off (which I always do when I read that story) because my bus driver already kind of things I’m a bit strange as it is. So I was suppressing the giggles as hard as I could, which had the unfortunate effect of making my body jiggle which caused the seat I was sitting on to jiggle and moan and squeak in an almost pornographic sort of way. Which made me laugh even harder and the harder I tried to keep my giggles from escaping, the more pornographic sounding the squeaks, groans and jiggles that my seat was making got.
Fortunately, my driver was sitting on a conveniently placed bench outside, near a playground, so he probably didn’t hear the noises the seat was making as I tried like hell not to laugh. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. If he did hear, he didn’t say anything because God only knows what he thought I might be doing in there.
So thanks, Jenny…thanks for writing such wonderfully funny and weird words that have been like my emotional support blankie for the last few years.