This entire year has been one long, incredibly crappy year.
And I don’t know at what point in this entire mess I became afraid of treadmills. I’ve had this unreasonable fear for quite a few months now that if I got back on a treadmill, my right butt cheek would tense up in protest, I would lose my footing and fall flat on my face.
I’m not sure where this fear came from or why I was so afraid of treadmills of all things. I think a lot of it had to do with my injury and the months I spent in absolute agony from the massive pain and muscle spasms in my right butt cheek.
So I did it. I got my butt BACK on the treadmill today at the gym. I was going to go beast mode (because I’m a bit insane like that) and use the curved treadmills that are propelled solely by foot power (except for the monitor that tells you your progress and the button that makes it easier or harder for you to push the treadmill tread) but they weren’t plugged in. So I used a normal, electrically powered treadmill instead. And I held onto the handlebars, my Fitbit strapped to my shoe (because it won’t fit around my ankle). I didn’t go anywhere near my usual hauling ass pace, either, or do any of the fancy programs (like the “Rolling Hills” program or “Mountain climbing”) like I used to be able to do. And I only walked for like 30 mi.
But y’all…I did it! I GOT BACK ON A TREADMILL.
Even though it wasn’t a treadmill that took me out but a rowing machine, I managed to conquer a little bit of my fear and get back up on that damn machine. If I could figure out how to use the rowing machine safely, without re-injuring my butt, I’d do it. I’m still to scared that the moment I sit down and pull back on the handles, I’m going to almost rip my butt cheek off again, though. But I looked at that rowing machine and said, “Some day my friend..some day…” because I believe eventually I WILL get back on that rowing machine, dammit.